My story begins with my grandfather, who plucked up the courage to travel aboard at the age of 22 and start a new life in the UK. I don’t think he would have thought that he would see three generations thereafter flourish and live an Anglo-Indian life in Great Britain.

Beginnings in Siyod

Vanmali Patel was born in the district of Surat in a village called Siyod in 1934. He had one other sibling (his sister) and studied in Gujarat back in 1941. He then graduated in 1947 and passed seven subjects in Gujarati and three in English, but due to his father’s ill health he decided to concentrate on looking after the family rather than continuing his education into college. He had to provide for his younger sister and mother and so began his work in agriculture.

Then in 1952, his father insisted that he get married and start a family and then three years later he requested that they arrange for his sister to get married. Back in those days they never got a chance to see their partners; they simply were told that their marriage was being arranged and they saw their partner on the actual wedding day. Thankfully, my grandmother was pretty and a kind soul to take on my grandfather’s strong nature. I guess opposites attract!

In 1955, just after his sister got married, my grandfather was asked to drop his sister and her new husband to the port in Bombay as they were emigrating to Dar-es-Salaam in Tanzania. Just as he waved his sister goodbye, he received the news of his father passing which was a huge shock. He was 21 at the time and just then realised that he had to take on all responsibilities regarding the family. Women back then were dependent on men and needed them to provide for them, so the responsibility was huge as not only was he now needed to look after his mother and provide for his wife, but also their second child as my grandma was pregnant again after losing her first child to cot death.

Leaving India

In January 1962, my grandad ventured out of India in search of a better life as his family was now growing with three children. A close friend and he left for Jamaica. They had heard that there were good opportunities out there. However, on the journey for some reason, my grandfather got scared and decided to remain at the stop-over country in the UK. He couldn’t face taking the next flight, so his friend decided to go on to Jamaica alone.

Life in Britain wasn’t easy, Vanmali started working in a factory and then one day got the news that his mother was not well, so he returned to India a year later in 1963. He started working back in agriculture and soon his mother started to get better, so she advised him to return to the UK. So, in 1964 he returned and started working in a factory again.

In 1965 he had a major accident where is broke his leg. He was out of work for 18 weeks in the UK but soon after he returned to work, he heard that his mother had died of a sudden heart attack and once again he returned to India in 1967. Again, this shocked him as he felt alone with no parents to support him. Eventually, he returned to the UK in 1968 with my dad, who was nine years old at the time.

My dad started school in the UK (Luton,) and they lived in rented accommodation. In those days, many people lived in one home and it was normal to have 10 people living in a three-bedroom house as people did shift work so sleep times in beds would alternate.

In 1973 my dad Jitendra Patel finished his high school studies and instead of going to college or university as he was very bright, he was asked to start working in a factory too to help other members of the family emigrate. Jitendra’s mother and three other siblings were still in India and therefore it became his responsibility to work and earn so they could buy the rented accommodation they currently lived in jointly with his father. In 1976 they finally managed to buy the house and bring over the rest of the family from India, so my grandfather’s family was finally complete in one home. A wife, a son (my dad), two daughters and another son.

Eventually, my dad grew up and at the age of 24, he went back to India during his two-week break from the factory and married my mum in 1980.

All other siblings got married thereafter and each had their own family.

My dad worked shifts at a factory in Luton and worked very hard and my mum also did the same. My brother and I watched them do overtime and work as much as possible to get our own house as things within my grandad’s home were getting crowded as my uncle also got married.

My grandad later retired around the age of 50 as both brothers worked, but this is where the story changes.

Life in the UK today

If it hadn’t been for my grandfather taking a leap of faith and moving abroad and my father sacrificing his education to bring the rest of the family over, then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity today to work in a professional white-collar role. I was able to go to college and become the first in the family to go to university and obtain a degree. I was the first to start earning better than a working man’s salary and make a real change and so my siblings and cousins could all follow. In fact, I’m proud to say they achieved better grades than me and some have much better jobs than me that pay higher salaries.

Most of us have children, and we can pass on better opportunities. The things our parents were not able to afford or do for us as they were busy working, we can do for our children. We think our children are more spoilt and demand more as they know we can afford more.

It’s taken two generations in the UK to sacrifice some of their desires to give the next generation a better and easier life. I feel more British than Indian. Many Indians back in India see our lives on social media and think they could have the same life, but they haven’t seen or heard the stories of the generations above. It’s taken two generations above to work hard and sacrifice for the third generation to live comfortably.

When I travel to India it’s not home for me but a holiday destination. But those born there such as my grandparents, my parents and even my husband all have a connection. My connection is in Britain. It’s my home and my skin colour should make no difference. I want the next generations to feel equally proud of our heritage and sacrifices but also to feel comfortable living in Britain as after all this is our home. I should feel FREE TO BE ME!

From left to right:(standing) Jitendra Patel (my dad), Vipul Patel (my brother), Pushpa Patel (my mum), Poonam Maini (me), Aryan Maini (my son) Shiv Maini (my husband), Kamu Patel (my grandma) & Vanmali Patel (my legendary grandad!)

Vanmali and his wife Kamu Patel are still alive today at the grand age of 90, but sadly Vanmali’s sister passed away in 2018. Thankfully all his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren give him a reason to carry on living as much as he can, happy, healthy, and wise!